Badly Bengali

Hello dear chums! How are we today? Did we have good breakfast? Good! Now let’s continue with my rants, because it is all about me… isn’t it! Of course it is! It’s my blog! So let us proceed!

With Durga Puja beginning with Mahalaya today, I sat down thinking, am I a true Bengali? I ask this question rather often, because of the following;

• I never feel the feeling of Pujo (All the days are same for me, no special get-together/fun time for those days)
• I do not care much for Kolkata street food (because I’ve never tasted any)
• I am not well versed with Robindro Sangeet (I cannot sing, not even to save my life)
• Pandal hopping is not as enjoyable as before (too much crowd & too many screaming elated Bengali aunties hitting the highest possible octave while they chit chat)
• Political chats do not entice me at all (I detest the futile chit chat about what which politician should do and should not)
• I am not much of a Tea person (I am more of a coffee person).
• I have zero understanding of art (especially paintings and poetry)

After racking my brains and memories (read my previous article to see how difficult it is for me to play through my memories) for a long time, I have decided I am as Bengali as I can get and I am proud of it.

L    

Like any true Bengali person, I have a steady supply of Boroline, Gelusil and Aqua ptychotis syrup with me.

We do use a Guptopress Ponjika (a book of auspicious dates, horoscope for the year, constellation placements throughout the year etc) at home.

I love bhapa ilish, shukto, aaloo bhaaja and mochar ghonto (and other lip smacking Bengali dishes as well)

I am a big fan of Soumitra Chatterjee (a total dude of the Golden Age of Bengali cinema & my 1^st favorite Feluda) and have watched and re watched almost all of his movies (not all though).

I may not be well versed with Robindro Sangeet but I have devoured books of Sharadindu Bandyopadhyay, Leela Majumdar, Sunil Ganguli, Satyajit Ray (and the likes of them)

Amidst all my favorite fictional detectives from all over the world, Feluda and Byomkesh Bakshi come in first 5 alongside Sherlock Holmes, Tintin – the reporter and Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau.

Oh and yes… I am the proud owner of the complete Tintin and Asterix series.

Most importantly I can proudly say that thanks to my grandma, I am well versed with the spoken and written language, something that not many Probashi Bengali (a term used for a Bengali living outside Bengal) can say. 

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My friends would know that I make fun of the Bengali accent and certain stereotypes that are there (like in every other culture), but no ‘non-bengalis’ can do that in front of me and get away with it.  I am proud to be a Bengali no matter which state I stay in!

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Forgetting things – one incident at a time!

Hello dear friends! Welcome back to my blog! Today we talk about my fantastic memory.

Those who know me well will validate the fact that I am a forgetful person. So much so that it is not even cute or funny anymore. It has so happened in the past that I have erased an entire person from my memory and did not even remember her when I saw her again after ages. Not until she reminded me that we were rather bum chummy at one point of time. 

This has happened more than once. The other day I was absolutely mortified because this friend of mine and I were in Bandra and she pointed out to a random stranger and said “look there is your ex”!!!!! It was an awkward moment because the dude politely greeted me and walked away! I just could not recall his face not even if my life depended on it!

To make myself capable in the professional front, I always carry a small notebook and a pen furiously jotting down my to-do list for the day or if someone told me something important which I may have to remember for a later discussion. I have been called “bhullakad bhaaji”, “Gajni”, “Dori” and whatnot for this thing!

Despite this ludicrous condition of mine, there are certain things that spark random memories without any rhyme or reason to pop up in my head, but they do! Like the other day I was preparing dinner when suddenly my food gave out an aroma that instantly reminded me of my granny when she cooked cauliflower. Just flashes of memories but enough to make me happy and sad at the same time.

I try to hold on to memories from the yore as much as possible because remembering them is always bittersweet. Some odd things that transport me to the past are;

• Old perfume bottles
• Unknown smell can be either of an incense stick or a plant that suddenly reminds me of the forgotten days
• Old post cards/inlands
• Retro songs (most of the songs from my days are categorized as ‘retro’ now)
• Old photographs
• Random chat sessions with my bro

I make it a point to solve crosswords & puzzles and read a lot. I also eat almonds because it is scary to think that I might lose all of it… eventually!

Photo courtesy - www.lovethispic.com  www.a2ua.com

I have a pregnancy scar but no child to show for it!!!

Mine was not a planned pregnancy at all. I suffered from PCOS since long and was under medication for the same (which my then gynecologist had confirmed that also doubled as oral contraceptives). So in my head I was absolutely sure that there was zero chance of pregnancy for me, which was a good thing as I am not a very maternal person.  

So when my morning sickness and constant bouts of puke sessions started, I was sure that the chicken I was eating was giving me upset stomach and acidity. Normally, I love any preparation of chicken, but during those days, I could not stand the smell of chicken or anything fried. I was under the impression that my body was telling me to reject this stuff because of indigestion and acidity.  Also since I’d miss my periods more often than not, I did not pay heed to the fact that it was 3 months and no signs of period had happened.

Since I did not realize I was pregnant, I continued my normal life, like lifting heavy bags, walking my dog (Ole Kumar was young and unruly back then and used to pull in all directions). Occasional drinking of cola, beer and wine, road side fast food and Chinese food also continued and I took pain medications that would be a big ‘no’ during pregnancy, as my back and legs would hurt a lot.  

One day, I was travelling to meet a friend, I saw a rodent becoming a road kill in the traffic and burst into tears which slowly transformed into a howl and the auto wala got mighty scared and kept asking me what has happened. Now I couldn’t tell him that I was sobbing because of a road kill. Nope, not really!

After a continued sobbing session over the road kill in front of my friend, she insisted that I get a pregnancy test done immediately is when I jogged (yes, I jogged) to the nearby medical store and bought 2 test kits of different brands (just to be sure)! 

After 2 pink strips on both the tests, the point was driven home that I was pregnant! That’s when she and I calculated to figure out that I was at least 3 months pregnant!!!!!

Called my husband to meet me at the earliest (did not tell him the news over the phone). When I met him I was all red from crying. I didn’t even know why I was crying so much, but I was.  After parking myself in the auto I told him the news. For those who don’t know my husband, he believes in having a poker face for all life altering situations, so I could not figure out whether he was happy or not and I started crying again. It seemed I was carrying a raw onion with me always that my eyes had to tear up at the drop of a hat.

Anyhow, we went to an obstetrician and as per her calculations as well I was 3 months pregnant. So my first trimester was over without me knowing about it or without the care that I needed to take for my li’l pea (as I decided to name my unborn child then).

Arrays of blood tests and ultra sound started from that day onwards, and I continued being a bundle of emotions getting pissed off or upset over nothing.

Even though li’l pea was an accident, I could see myself with a baby, and to my surprise I was happy about it. I was now taking folic acids and other meds I was prescribed by the doctor, I would listen to good music (classic rock) so that the kid develops a good taste in music, and I would read happy books and graphic novels then again to transfer the interest in books to li’l pea. I started eating healthy and walking daily. Now my husband would walk my Ole Kumar (furry baby) and I would walk alongside.

Whole lot of tests and ultra sounds happened over the next few weeks because everything started late. By the middle of the fourth month, we found out to our horror that the baby does not have a proper spine and brain growth. Doctors politely explained the entire situation to us and left the decision on to me.

Like I said earlier I am not a very maternal person, but the pregnancy had made me see otherwise. I loved li’l pea to bits and I knew what I had to do. No matter how much I fell in love with the kid and no matter how everyone thought this was my only chance to pregnancy (as I was 35 back then), I could not bring a child into this world who would be incapable of taking care of himself/herself when old enough. Horrible thoughts came to my mind that what would happen to my child after we are not alive (this would be a concern if the child was born with less than adequate brain and spine development).

Feeling less than human I took the decision to terminate my pregnancy. My baby was a fighter as no amount of medicines or injections worked on him. Finally, just before the end of the 5^th month, a C-section surgery and li’l pea was no more. 

Did I think I’d feel absolutely miserable even after couple of years after the incident, no! But I do! Did I consider the fact that I would tear up even while writing this? Absolutely not, I am stronger than this... but I did! Even though I never shed a tear after the surgery, the thought of it still kills me a little bit inside every freaking time.

What I am trying to say here is, every person grieves in a different way, take your time and upsetting as it is, ladies who have suffered this, there is nothing to be ashamed off.

 Be strong and be well!!!

Note: Article previously published on www.itemmom.com (http://itemmom.com/pregnancy-scar-child-show-it/)

Undeniable feelings

A typical day of mine consists of a bunch of mixed emotions. However, the below mentioned feelings are something that attack me at different junctures of most days & I can’t seem to shake them off!

Feeling of ‘I don’t belong here’

Feeling of helplessness that I cannot help all the dogs that I see on the street

Feeling of absolute content when I look at my bachlings

Feeling of absolute terror as an aftermath of some of my nightmares

Most importantly… the feeling of hunger at random and inappropriate moments 

PINK! my review

No means No! 

These words have a reinforced effect after the release of the movie 'Pink'!

Everything about this movie is so deliberate and hard hitting! Even the name of the movie is not chosen as a girl's favorite color. Veeresh Malik, (a blogger who wrote for TOI), explained that in many countries and cultures, the word Pink means “vagina of the sort that is bought, with violence”.

Every girl who has even walked alone on the roads will relate to this movie. "Pink" is not only about the final violation but about small things that the women have to tolerate everyday like eve teasing, butt pinching, boob grabbing, leering & to a certain extent racism!

Dripping with sarcasm each sentence coming out of Sr. Bachchan's mouth was heart wrenching. I was astounded at the callousness of certain college going crowd in the theater who laughed at them considering them to be jokes.

The girls (Taapsee Pannu, Andrea Tariang & Kirti Kulhari) were fabulous in their roles. Everything about the movie is just as should be. No annoying item numbers, unnecessary music or irrelevant dialogs or scenes, everything fit like a glove. Perfect combination of writing, direction and acting, this movie may be considered as the movie of the year!

My verdict –
• This is the movie that the country needs now.
• Must watch for everyone, your gender or age does not matter!
• Mr. Amitabh Bachchan is the dude of the century when it comes to acting!

Image courtesy - www.idiva.com
Note: This article was previously published on http://itemmom.com/the-film-pink/

Love or Not to love!

I think I may have been in love with you. I know so! I have loved you since the day I saw you the first time! I know I know... it is mushy & stupid, and a line that has been used till death. But I cannot help it, I speak of nothing but the truth! I could think of nothing but you in those years of my life. I was in my teens when I saw you, and and everything about you turned me into a mushy sucker! 

To think of it, had I put in that much of attention into my studies, as I invested in you, I'd have much better results back then! 

You were my first love and I think the feeling is still there!

Wait! What now! 

Why am I talking about you after so many years? What made me think of you! Do I actually love you or just the idea of you! 

What kind of love is this? We were never together! The idea of us being together is ludicrous! You many never know how I feel, because obviously I shall NEVER say.. EVER! 

Now that I am penning it down, it does seem a bit odd and I feel like the Queen of creep central! But let me assure you it is nothing like that! Yes I followed you around like a love sick puppy, stalked you, gave you few blank calls; but all in the name of love! Nothing creepy about it!

The hard core truth is... Possibly if I knew you now, I may not even be in love with you! But, I’d like the teenage me to have this feeling alive within her! It is hurting no one, the late 30 me is not going to do anything about it! That feeling just sits there in a time capsule etched in the teenage me's heart forever! 

Image courtesy – www.sweetclipart.com 

Karma is NOT a bitch…

As per our Hindu religion, Karma plays a pivotal role. If we do well this lifetime, then we will have better Karma in store for our next life but damn you if you do anything bad… you shall suffer eternal damnation in your next life!

I have a question here… what happens if we are really mean in this life but follow all rituals & do pujas like a clock work, will my next life be good or bad!?!

Tell tell…

Anyways, without digressing further, let me come to the point of this post. My dear friends it is most obvious that I am not here to give gyaan about karma... but I am writing this to tell you two things I’ve understood over a period of time…

1. Karma will punch the crap out of you in this very lifetime only
2. It will not happen the way you expect or anticipate.

For example, the other day I overheard a person with a ludicrous voice and the mean ass that I am; I made fun of it... (Behind his back of course, I am not that evil). I was expecting that my voice will be made fun of eventually some day.  However, that did not happen! No Sir! I completely lost my voice for over 2 days.

So karma bit me in my ass but in a different way!

So what was the point of this rant of mine? A simple sentence actually!

Every action has consequences so please be very careful of what you say or do OR whom you hurt! It all comes back!

Image courtesy - www.dogshaming.com